I had not realized how much time has gone by since my last post. How has over 2 months gone by already? Craziness. My food battles have not been any easier than before, but I think I am becoming more used to the disappointment. That sounds so sad and kind of depressing but that’s just what it is.
I have had a few times that I just said “screw it” and cheated - it ended just how I had thought it would. I have been trying to figure out what I have done to deserve such restrictions in life. Did I do something that God is punishing me for? Have I filled up on my life quota for apples so I can’t enjoy another? The list of questions that flow through my head get pretty out there, but yet no answers seem to come.
I have had several friends that have been so kind and considerate towards me and my circumstances. My girlfriend and I have been doing very well keeping each other accountable is regards to going to the gym - which usually includes dinner after. Most of the time we end up at her house where we have dinner and usually watch one of our shows. She is so sweet in being open to trying new foods and looking for dishes that I can eat. I am thankful for her. There have been a few that do not seem to understand at all but I know that it is very complicated so I do not blame them.
I think the issue that bothers me more than not being able to live my life the way I want (in regards to food) is the way that people talk to me about it. If someone was talking to me about food and they said “I’m allergic to nuts” then I would think, okay - no nuts for you. Not ‘Are you sure it’s not that you just don’t like them? Have you been to a real doctor to make that diagnosis? Why don’t you try acupuncture, or specialty doctors?’ I wouldn’t tell them that it’s no way to live their life and that they need to get a second opinion. If I’m being honest here: I have been to several doctors, been put on different medications, took different tests, missed a LOT of work because of my “condition” and this is the final result. I feel so helpless when trying to explain over and over to family and friends about it. Just thinking about all that frustration almost puts tears in my eyes- I am way too emotional about it. To think that something is truly wrong with me, to think that I may have to undergo several surgeries, be on prescriptions the rest of my life, starting to believe that I won’t be able to become a mother, literally feel like I am the girl that cried wolf every time I leave work-Because as much as I go to different doctors, they never have a real diagnosis for me. I agree that it’s not a way to live, but now that I know what’s going on - it’s more of an insult than a comfort to be told that I’m not doing enough. I know what’s wrong now: I have MAJOR food allergies and intolerances. At least now that I know, I can do my best to live my life the best I can.
So I am working today and as of lately- the office has been providing lunch for everyone. We have literally a 6foot long sub just chillin about 3 feet away from me. I took out the meat, cheese and lettuce and just tossed the bread. Compromise. It’s better than nothing though, a little win for my belly :)